Simplicity and Grace in Grief

It is with great sorrow that I can now write about the loss of both of my key equine partners and friends, both inside and out of the arena.  Misty, my steadfast, loyal palomino, passed away two months ago from Cushings disease.  Her mate and partner, Captain, a loving, communicative, devoted Morgan, passed on eight weeks after her.  If that Rainbow Bridge poem means anything, now is the time for me to have faith that I will one day, see them again, full of nickers, whinnies, and begging for cookies.

My main concern through this heart breaking transition was for my kids, the children I work with in partnership with horses.  Many of them had grown very close to both Misty and Captain, loving their antics and gentleness while learning about life from both on top of and next to these generous creatures.  Many of these children have suffered loss in various ways already at young ages, and I was unsure of how to approach this topic of death; this inevitable passing onto another state of being.

Sometimes as adults, we forget the simplicity of childhood imaginations and dreams, thoughts and feelings.  I really did not have to make it complicated, and at the same time, wanted to offer any of my kids, (at the risk of sounding possessive, I do reserve the right to call them mine to a degree!...Parents, humor me please...:) the opportunity to process any feelings they may have had about losing their trusty mounts.

In keeping with my goal of staying as real a person as I can be at any given time, and especially while working with clients, I decided to do just that; be real.  So, as kids came down to see me, see the empty stalls from where Misty and Cappy once nickered "hellos", (or in Captain's case, "Gimmie snacks now!"), I allowed myself to grieve.  I'm not saying I balled my eyes out, but I did cry, spoke with a shakey voice and spoke about how it felt having them gone.  It felt, (and still feels), lonely, lost, like a big hole is there.  And that I shared.  I gave space for some of the kids who needed expression to go ahead and express.  Thoughts, feelings, ideas, questions, etc...were presented.  It felt right and easy to just be okay with how I was with all of this grief.  As one of my young adult, autistic clients said to me with great simplicity and wisdom, "It's weird being in her stall, and....it feels empty."  Pretty much comes to that.  Thanks, Marc, for those  simple, graceful words in grief.

Thank you Misty and Captain, for sharing your beings with us.  Believe me, you are greatly missed!

The Scent of a Horse

I don't know about you, but I am one of those people who just revel in wonderful smells. While breathing in subtle, or not so subtle scents, I am acutely aware of how powerful they can be. I relish the memories they conjure up in my heart and head as well as marvel at how my nose is a direct highway to my brain! Emotions can spring up suddenly while ideas and past scenarios about various life experiences float around in my brain. It all happens so quickly, just by the simple action of inhaling a sniff or two.

And what about the not-so-pleasant smells? In the horse world, there are smells, and then there are smells. Everyone knows about the not-so-pleasants; mucking the barn, just missing the "close calls" from the rear end of a horse. We've all been there, we all know the inherent olfactory dangers of being in the presence of an equine creature. Butt, (yes the abc checking tool is working :)___one of the best things about horses is indeed, their smell.

Each person on our planet has a unique smell. Dogs know it, cats know it , all animals detect it, and even dolphins are aware of our odoriferous qualities. Each horse has a unique smell too. One may think all horses smell alike, but they don't. Some horses smell sweeter, my mare sometimes smells like a bit of rose, some have a more earthy, oakey smell. (Sounds like I'm talking about wine for Heaven's sake!). And if you don't believe me, I challenge you to try this:
The next time you are in the presence of a horse, and you are comfortable and safe, see if the horse will allow you to put your nose in the spot where the jaw meets the neck. Close your eyes, take a gentle yet deep breath and note the smell. Then move to another horse and do the same thing. Pay attention to the feel of your body while you take in the scent, then notice if your body feels or detects the differences as you move to another horse.

I'm not sayin' we need to bottle this stuff or anything like that. It just seems cool and real to me that each horse, even though they all "smell alike" actually has a touch of a different scent. Another indication that horses each have their own personalities, preferences, and perfumes.

Misty teaches me about Love

Welcome to the first official entry for my Heavens to Horses Blog!

While grooming my horse, Misty, for a ride on this gorgeous, balmy 60 degree Colorado winter day, I was thinking about what to write for this blog. If you have spent quality time with a horse, you may know what sort of "zen" state one can quietly enter while in a horse's presence. Before I knew it, I was in that state.

Misty is 22 years old now, and typical for a mare, can be aloof, curious, focused, or loving, pending her mood. (Know any humans like that?). She knows me very well. I would venture to say she knows me better than I know her. My guess is also that she listens to me more than I listen to her. ( A good lesson to be learned there.) I was actually pondering Love while brushing her thick, incredibly soft coat. That can be quite an involved topic; what is it, how different it feels depending on the recipient or giver, how it morphs on it's own without our awareness at times, and all the different ways in which we use the word, "love".

Suddenly, things became quiet. Misty had placed her head on my chest, resting her cheek directly next to my heart. Awareness of how hard my heart was pounding became audible. All I could hear was the thump-thump...thump-thump of my heart as it reverberated from my chest into her cheek. It was as if she was listening intently to the beat of my heart. Her eyes were closed, and our breathing became synchronized.
I was reminded of how that happens when two lovers are connected in a peaceful and full way.

Misty stood in that position for quite a while, minutes I suppose. I became totally present with her and was filled up with that feeling...what was it? Oh yes; Love.
She had chosen a very simple, sweet and powerful way to help her human understand just a little bit more about Love. There I was lost in thought about what Love was, and there she was providing the answer. My job was to accept her offering, breathe it in, and feel it by just being still, quiet, and aware. Not so complicated if we stop thinking and start feeling more.

It is rare for this mare to behave in the fashion she did today, and not rare for her to offer answers and guidance on a regular basis. If only I listened just a little bit more!
Hey, I think I will...I invite you to do the same.

Thank you for your visit.